The Siege

I’ve been more than a little ill with an apparent case of food poisoning. I say “apparent” because I cooked the dinner that Lance and I ate, but he suffered no ill effects while I ended up in the ER after my body began its siege, attempting to void itself of every trace of the meal from my innards. I’ll just say it was ghastly and leave it there.

I’ve visited the ER many times as a mom, but never for myself. It’s unsettling how drained and wasted and weak I still feel.

However, for all that, there was a consolation prize, in the form of an early ultrasound to check on the baby during this internal warfare. Wriggles, heartbeats, and kicks, oh my!

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Lost

Every family has one. The lost sheep, the one who just can’t get it right, get happy, the one perpetually heading in the wrong direction.

He refuses your good counsel. He listens to no one but himself. After all this time, he should have his shit together.

Yes. You’re right. But self-sabotage, self-absorption, plain old selfishness — does it really matter? Because he’s out there alone.

Simple mistakes can be compounded by other, unrelated, random events — a small misstep can become an irrevocable terrible…something. Something beyond recovery.

Remember your mother. Remember how your father said, I love all my children equally. But some need more help than others.

Some need more help than others. Remember your mother.

For a change — Life!

It’s been a ridiculous year. First my mother died. Then my brother-in-law’s sister. Then my cousin. And three weeks ago, my cat. My cat!

This is not going to be a “Woe is me” petulant post, if you’re worried — but damn.

So, just when you think you just can’t catch a break, life upsets the apple cart, reminding you that you don’t know the first thing about anything. Because, what do you know, I’m pregnant again.

There are things you’re grateful for in and of themselves, but are painful nonetheless. But I’ll leave that for now.

Because today, I heard the new baby’s heartbeat. Which is never less than miraculous. I’m ten weeks along, due May 1, 2012.

I turn 40 on Thursday, which is stunning in itself.

If I was the sort of person comfortable swearing in public, there’d be a whole series of curses throughout this post.